Some Funny Definitions......

Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you
with his bills.

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one
end a fool on the other.

Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary:
A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.

Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home
life.

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their
mouth.

Etc. :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than
you actually do.

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.

Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of
the Lecturer to the notes of the students without
passing through "the minds of either"

Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number
present.

Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.

Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way
that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally
falls into a river.

Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in
midway "See I am not injured yet."

Divorce:
Future tense of marriage.

Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father:
A banker provided by nature.

Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got
caught.

Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when
you are early.

Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your
confidence after.